Divorce is never easy, but the presence of abuse, whether it’s emotional, physical, or financial, adds another layer of difficulty and danger. Here’s some advice from a divorce lawyer for women in Columbus, Ohio, on how to handle an abusive spouse during a divorce.
How Should You Deal With an Abusive Spouse During Divorce? Advice from a Divorce Lawyer for Women in Columbus, Ohio
Seek a Safe Space
When dealing with an abusive spouse, your safety must come first. Abuse often escalates during divorce proceedings, making it essential to take proactive measures to protect yourself and any children involved. If you are still living with your spouse, find a secure place to stay, such as a friend’s house, a family member’s home, or a shelter for domestic violence survivors. Avoid locations where your spouse might easily find you.
Obtain a Protective Order
A protective order can provide temporary relief, such as requiring your spouse to stay a certain distance away from you and your children, prohibiting communication, and/or granting temporary custody or residence rights. Always work with your attorney when filing for such an order so you can be sure that it fits what you need. Keep a copy of the protective order with you at all times and inform local law enforcement so they are aware of the situation.
Develop an Exit Plan
Preparing an exit strategy is important if you are still in the home. This should include packing essentials, identifying safe transportation, and establishing contacts who can assist you. Consider packing an emergency bag with important items like identification documents, cash, medications, and a change of clothes so you can leave quickly if necessary.
Inform trusted individuals about your situation and provide them with copies of any protective orders. If you still have children in the home, rehearse your plan with them so they know what to do in case of an emergency. Put together a list of emergency contacts to help you safely transition out of the home. Be sure to include shelters, friends, and support services on your list.
Document the Abuse
During a divorce, having clear evidence of the abuse is important for legal proceedings, especially when it comes to custody and asset division. Proper documentation can strengthen your case and provide your lawyer with the tools needed to advocate for your interests. Maintain a detailed journal of abusive incidents, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions of what happened. Include any evidence, such as photographs of injuries, screenshots of threatening messages, or voicemails.
If any friends, family members, or neighbors have witnessed the abuse, ask if they would be willing to provide a statement. Witnesses can offer corroboration that might prove valuable in court. Preserve all texts, emails, and social media messages that contain threats or evidence of harassment. If your spouse tries to contact you after a protective order is in place, these records can also demonstrate their disregard for the court’s orders.
Work With an Experienced Attorney
A divorce attorney who understands the dynamics of abuse can guide you through the process of dealing with an abusive spouse during divorce. Look for someone who has a track record of successfully advocating for clients in similar situations. They can also assist in ensuring that court proceedings prioritize your safety, including requesting that the court use special measures like remote hearings if necessary.
A skilled attorney will also know how to work with local law enforcement and domestic violence organizations to create a protective network. This collaboration can ensure that you receive support both inside and outside of the courtroom, making the divorce process more manageable.
Protect Your Children
It is often possible to request temporary custody to keep your children away from the abusive spouse. Your attorney can help you file the necessary paperwork. If the court does permit your spouse to see the children, you can request that these visits be supervised by a third party, such as a social worker or family advocate, to prevent manipulation and intimidation tactics from the abusive spouse. Having thorough documentation of the abuse will make your requests more likely to be granted.
Create a safety plan for your children, particularly if they may still have contact with the other parent. Educate your children about how to stay safe and make sure they know how to reach you, a trusted adult, or emergency services if needed. Provide your children with emotional support, like child therapists, who can help them develop coping strategies to deal with the stress of this time.
Establish Financial Independence
One tactic abusive spouses often use is financial control. Divorce can provide an opportunity to regain independence, but it may require strategic planning and professional assistance. If you haven’t already, set up accounts in your own name. Transfer your earnings and any other assets you can legally access to these accounts to protect your finances from manipulation.
Gather and secure important financial documents, including bank statements, tax returns, and property deeds. These documents will be important in the divorce process, especially when dividing assets or seeking spousal support. If you have been financially dependent on your spouse, work with your attorney to request temporary spousal support. This can provide the financial stability you need while you transition away from the abusive relationship.
Rely on Support Networks
Leaving an abusive spouse and going through a divorce can feel isolating. Focus on building a strong support network. If possible, connect with domestic violence support groups: These groups offer a safe space to share your experiences and receive support from others who have been through similar situations. They can also provide resources such as shelters, counseling, and legal assistance.
Seek therapy or counseling; working with a therapist who specializes in domestic abuse can help you heal emotionally and develop strategies for coping during the divorce. Therapy can also assist in regaining self-esteem and confidence that may have been eroded by the abusive relationship. Finally, lean on family and friends. Let trusted family members and friends know about your situation so they can offer emotional and logistical support. Having people who understand your situation can make a significant difference in maintaining your strength and resilience.
Take Legal Precautions During Proceedings
Divorcing an abusive spouse requires careful legal precautions to ensure your protection throughout the proceedings. Minimize direct communication with your spouse as much as possible to reduce the risk of manipulation or threats during the divorce process. Use your attorney as the intermediary and insist that all communication occurs through legal channels. You can also request specific security measures during court proceedings, such as separate waiting rooms, security escorts, or video conferencing, to avoid direct confrontation with your spouse and reduce the possibility of intimidation.
Avoid making unintentional concessions during negotiations, as abusive spouses often attempt to manipulate or intimidate their partners into agreeing to unfavorable terms. Always consult with your attorney before accepting any proposals or settlements to ensure that your safety and the well-being of your children remain the priority. Your legal counsel is there to help you maintain control over the proceedings and prevent your spouse from exploiting vulnerabilities in the process.
Dealing with an abusive spouse during a divorce requires careful planning and support. We understand the challenges involved and are here to provide compassionate and effective legal assistance. Contact Woodford Sathappan McGee or come visit us at our offices in Columbus, OH, Cincinnati, OH, Indianapolis, IN, Detroit, MI, or San Antonio, TX.
